SPEAKER_04 0:07

Welcome to Beyond the Beacon with Bishop Kevin Sweeney, a podcast of the Diocese of Patterson, New Jersey. Join us for conversations about our Catholic faith and together let's strive to live a life of faith, hope, and love. We're so glad you can join us. I'm Jay Agnish. With me is Bishop Kevin Sweeney. Bishop Kevin, how are you?

SPEAKER_02 0:25

I'm okay, Jay. How are you doing? I'm doing well. What's new? Well lots new. It's a new school year. And uh uh I get to visit many of our high schools these uh this time of year. So I was at uh the Catholic Academy of Sussex County yesterday, Pope John High School, and had mass there, and um uh looking forward to uh a few things coming up this weekend, uh uh Altar Server Day uh and um Mass with the Filipino community. They have an annual mass for their martyrs. Where's that? Um uh here in St. Philip's actually, yeah. So um, yeah, and um I think a mass with the Ecuadorian community at St. Margaret's in Morristown on Sunday, and um we have a great group um uh run by Carol and uh um her husband and a group in their praise uh every month I think they meet for to um write uh for a devotion to St. Teresa of Lesieux the Little Flower. Okay, and I've been with them the last few years, uh right around the feast day, but since I'll be in Rome at late September, early October this year, uh I'm gonna be with them this coming Sunday for uh uh uh an afternoon of prayer um uh asking the intercession of Saint Teresa Little Flower. We're gonna lose you for what, like a week? Eight days, eight days. Friday this year. Looking forward to can't wait, looking forward to, yes, very much.

SPEAKER_04 1:50

When's the last time you were there? Was that the world? Or when's the last time you were in Europe, I guess?

SPEAKER_02 1:54

Uh I was in Portugal for World Youth Day, and um then um I guess um September of 2022 uh baby bishop school uh house. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh uh where they didn't well.

SPEAKER_04 2:07

Well you're all grown up then.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

Well I guess so, yeah, right, right. Something like that. So uh, but looking forward to the pilgrimage. We continue in the Jubilee year, and so um happy to have our guests with us today. And uh cancer uh September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, right? We're gonna talk a little bit about that. Um and um uh also Suicide Prevention Month and continue to pray for the people of St. Stephen's Parish. Remember Father Raphael Ciro, and um it is also um um recovery month, right? Uh National Recovery Month, September, yes. So um pack a lot into September.

SPEAKER_04 2:42

So Lynn and Al Capello are our guests today, and we're gonna I'll introduce them in a second, but I think we want to start with a prayer.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

Sure, sure. We pray together our Jubilee prayer. Um the year goes past, we're already uh in the last quarter, I guess. Um we're getting close to that. Uh let us place ourselves in God's presence in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. As pilgrims of hope in this Jubilee year of hope, together with the whole church, we join in prayer and we pray now the Jubilee prayer. Father in heaven, may the faith you have given us in your Son, Jesus Christ, our brother, and the flame of charity enkindle in our hearts by the Holy Spirit, reawaken in us the blessed hope for the coming of your kingdom. May your grace transform us into tireless cultivators of the seeds of the gospel. May those seeds transform from within both humanity and the whole cosmos in the sure expectation of a new heaven and a new earth, when with the powers of evil vanquished, your glory will shine eternally. May the grace of the Jubilee reawaken in us. Pilgrims of hope are yearning for the treasures of heaven. May that same grace spread the joy and peace of our Redeemer throughout the earth. To you, our God, eternally blessed, be glory and praise forever. Amen. Our Lady's seed of wisdom, Mother of the Church, pray for us. All holy men and women.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

Pray for us.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

SPEAKER_04 4:18

Amen. So, Bishop, I want to hear your version of how you and Lynn first met, but let me just do a quick introduction. So, Lynn and Al Capello, um, they both grew up Catholic. They uh Lynn grew up in Clifton and went to uh Catholic school. She's a stay-at-home mom. Al grew up in Woodland Park, is in a teacher. She uh he's a teacher at Passaic Valley High School, Phys Ed and Health. Um, they live in Verona and are actually parishioners of the cathedral of St. John the Baptist in Patterson. There's a story there which maybe we'll get into. And they have four children. AJ is their oldest, Dominic, uh, who is 11, Dominic is 10, Joey's 7, and Francesca. Francesca, Francesca, who's five, and they pray together every night as a family, and we're going to get into um very um maybe difficult uh topic. You know, the childhood cancer awareness month, uh, we're gonna talk about Dominic's struggle with his diagnosis of uh cancer and a brain tumor. Um, and so Bishop, how did you how'd you how did you meet Lynn?

SPEAKER_02 5:26

So I got a note, I think, in the mail, right? Uh and uh didn't know at the time that there were some connections. Uh we may have even met previously, I think, uh, and uh, but I got a note um this time last year, a little maybe in August of last year. Um have you been writing to the bishops of the state for a couple of years?

SPEAKER_00 5:44

Um last year was my first year. Uh um, and I I just want to say thank you to you because I did not identify who I was, what church we went to, where I lived, and you responded with such support and grace, and it truly meant so much. Well, and uh so ironically, we met you in the parking lot of the cathedral, which you reminded me of when we spoke on the phone. Right, right. Um, and you also washed Dominic's feet at Holy Thursday, but you didn't respond because of all of that.

SPEAKER_02 6:21

You responded because you're mom was writing um not only to ask for um uh helping to from you know spread awareness, but uh asking for prayer, right? Yeah, so um so I I got this note and uh going through mail, and it's hard to respond to everything, but um, you know, I think uh I've seen the pile. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Um but uh Lynn is I think was writing from the heart and uh a mom writing about uh her son and family's struggle, um uh but journey of faith as well, and um and asking for those prayers and awareness. And uh so I I guess you gave your email, I think, and I uh sent an email, and then we spoke on the phone, and um I I think I ended up sharing some of your words from the letter in a column that I wrote this time last year. So um, and then we reconnected a little bit uh uh after that um at the cathedral. And um then uh I received your note this year and uh and was happy too, and a reminder of uh September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Uh and um, but also uh, you know, we have the podcast to try to share some information, raise awareness, but also ask for prayers. So I thought uh and I said to Lynn, you know, maybe someone uh that you work with in the uh in this in the struggle, in the fight, in the promotion, and asking for prayers could come with you. And he said, he said, I think my husband would be willing to come on as well. So uh maybe just share a little bit of your story. Maybe Lendon and Al, you can add it um some of um uh um Dominic is the second of four, right?

SPEAKER_00 8:02

Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

So when did you learn?

SPEAKER_00 8:05

So um two days after Christmas in 2021, Dominic um prior to that, he had occasional episodes of vomiting, and we knew something was wrong. We went to the pediatrician twice and we were told it was a virus, and he would be okay. But then Christmas was a beautiful day in our house. The kids were playing, everybody was exciting, he did not feel sick at all. But then the next day these symptoms started again, and um he developed headaches. So I brought him to the emergency room at St. Joe's Patterson, and um they did a CAT scan, and I knew immediately that something was wrong because I had all the doctors and nurses looking in at our room. So they brought me into the hallway and they told me that Dominic has a brain tumor because of COVID. I was alone with just me and Dominic. Um so I called Al and um he got somebody to watch our other children, and he came to the hospital right away. And honestly, from that moment forward, our lives have changed. Um he needed emergent brain surgery. He had a seven-hour brain surgery. Um he was left with you know drains and tubes all over, and he was a six-year-old little boy at the time. So he was in the ICU for two weeks, um, and then he started his cancer treatment, which was 30 days of radiation to the brain and the spine, along with daily chemo. And he was also sedated every day in order to undergo the radiation. And then following that, it was six months of chemo. So he would be in the hospital for four days, then get discharged um for six rounds of that.

SPEAKER_02 10:03

Was that all at St. Joe's?

SPEAKER_00 10:04

Um, those were then at Columbia in New York City, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

Uh, maybe you can just uh what do you recall from getting that first phone call and that um those first days and and and uh as a as a husband and dad.

SPEAKER_03 10:20

Yeah, I mean, um, you know, getting that call, uh, total shock. Total shock. Um, I remember, you know, the pediatrician we were working, they thought it was like, you know, stomach issues and things like that. Um, we obviously knew something was wrong. Um didn't expect to hear, you know, your son has brain tumor. Um total shock. Uh rushed out to the hospital, and like my wife said, um, it is just a blur after that. You know, you are just in it. Um, it's a fight, and it's just going through the process of um, you know, I believe that night they had put a drain in his head because the fluid was getting blocked by the tumor, um, and then surgery the next day or two days later, and then after that, it was just like, you know, researching what what is what is this? Like, um, you know, you don't you hear childhood cancer, you hear brain tumors, you feel empathy for the family. Um, you don't really know what that means until you're put in situation. Um, and we were thrown right in two days after Christmas, a time where you know the kids are off, you know, Christmas break from school, right?

SPEAKER_02 11:30

I'm a teacher, we're off and enjoy this break, right? And uh mana hit hard. You never know, right? Uh and uh I know Jay has some questions, but just uh uh maybe about um the doctors and medical care. Um we hear things about our healthcare system, and there's certainly challenges, I'm sure, but um there's also um a great deal that has been done, right? And and and um uh we can talk a little bit about where Dominic is now, but um it sounds like he got some some very good medical care.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

He did get good medical care. Um there's a whole group of mothers, honestly, who have formed groups that children have cancer, and I learned a lot from them. Um my background is I am a nurse, I'm just not currently working, so I think having that level of advocacy was really important to make sure Dominic was in the right place um at the right time. Um, he had some amazing nurses and physical therapists, um, doctors who we speak to this day, they've become family and who really rallied behind Dominic. I mean, one of our prayers is we always thank God for putting these people on our path to help us on the road to healing. Um, because if it wasn't for them, I I don't know where we would be.

SPEAKER_04 12:57

So Lynn, when that diagnosis first came, you had opened up to me in our pre-interview. You mentioned it was it obviously it was a difficult time being um were you angry at God?

SPEAKER_00 13:13

I don't even know if anger encompasses it. I probably was more than angry. Um, you know, I I grew up Catholic, I prayed, right, went to church, and I think immediately it was just how, like, how could this happen to our son? And it was we both did this, like, what did we do wrong to make this happen to him? And we just like we could not wrap our minds around it. So we did become very angry, and it was very hard to pray, if I'm being honest, I I couldn't, I couldn't pray. Um, but I knew Dominic needed prayers, even though I couldn't do it, and so anybody who prayed, I I would always say, please just pray for Dominic. Just please pray for him, because I knew like that is what he needed, even though I couldn't give that at that point.

SPEAKER_02 14:15

Um If I remember correctly, um you were in a Catholic high school, DePall, right, as a student, and there was a priest there.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Uh yeah, can I share a little story about this priest? Um, so I did go to DePaul, and Father Gino came in as the chaplain my second year. Um, and I have stayed in touch with him, you know, become friends with Father Gino. Um, so the first phone call was to Al to tell him that Dominic had a brain tumor, and then I called Father Gino. And he was actually on his way to the airport, and he turned around and he was in the ER with us.

SPEAKER_04 14:56

Oh wow. Um Monsignor Gino, of course, is the currently the rector of our of our cathedral.

SPEAKER_02 15:02

No, he was you know as we know it's about as Father's about that. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure he would say that.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

He did ramp down if you couldn't call him.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

Um but yes, he came right away. Um, and again, it was COVID, so you couldn't like just come in the hospital and even right after Dominic's brain surgery, it was Father Gino.

SPEAKER_03 15:26

So I got the I got the call, and of course I raced down to the hospital. Um for him being on his way to an airport, he got there pretty quick because he I walked in with a I was at the desk and like he came in the hospital and was like, Oh my god, thank you. And he said, Let's go. And he just we just went back to the hospital and found Dominic. So um I can't talk to the type of person he is.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

Um and um, you know, we talk about church as community or family, and uh um and uh um Monsignor Gino has been that connection for you back from high school, and I know from that phone call um over these years, and um uh and I think you know there's been a couple of experiences you've shared in terms of community. Um the community uh at the cathedral, uh um, which now has uh I think a monthly uh mass for children with special needs and um the outreach that and and I'm sure the strength that comes from those uh being part of that community. Um but also um the community of of moms and families um impacted by um children having cancer. Um maybe you could speak to both of those communities.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Well, St. John's I the outpouring of prayer and support for our family was so great. I I mean they even dropped food off. Like they it was unbelievable. But we would have people come up to us at church and just say, you know, we're praying for Dominic, and that's truly all we ever needed was just the prayer, and they all prayed for us. Um, and still, right? When they everybody asks, How's Dominic? You can just tell it's no, he's altar serving sometimes, right? Yeah, so AJ and Dominic are altar servers at the cathedral. Um, and we do. We go, that's our church. That's where we go to Mass, we participate in the monthly children's mass. Um, we just went to the block party, you know, they they have a lot of fun events.

SPEAKER_04 18:10

Are you going to the altar service weekend? No.

SPEAKER_02 18:17

A lot of activities, I would say.

SPEAKER_03 18:19

Yeah, so um when we found out, um, you know, you get a lot of text messages and phone calls. Listen, what can we do? What can we do? What can we do? And like Lynn said before, like we we were really questioning, we were really questioning like how could this happen? Why, why, why did why were we given this, right? Um, so it was very important that every text message we got, it was like, please just pray. Like, just pray for Dominic. And to see, you know, our community of Verona, our community at St. John's. Um it's just overwhelming the amount of prayers and support um that everybody's given us. And it's really those prayers that have led us back to what you want to talk about.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Yeah, so we didn't we I we were talking about being angry and not praying. But where's your friend? It was in that like darkest, darkest moments. We were truly living minute by minute. Um so there was such recovery for Dominic from the brain surgery, and then it was just fear, right? That fear is just enveloped you. Um and it was in those dark, dark moments that we turned back to Jesus, and I it was that hope, and he's a miracle worker, right? And you know, like the faith that Dominic is going to be healed and and recovered, and we had we just had a trust, right? We had to trust Jesus, and you know, like we were given this role to have these four children, right? God entrusted them to us, and we have to take care of them. Um and so we just turned back to our faith. We were very secluded during treatment because if Dominic got a fever, it was an automatic hospital stay. But in between radiation and the six months of chemo, he had a little break, and we were able to go back to church for the first time. Um, and it happened to be around Lent. And I remember um I was praying and I looked up and I saw Jesus on the cross and Mary right next to him, and I never really identified with Mary as we say, oh, she's the mother of Jesus, but she's she is the mother of Jesus, and she had to watch her son be tortured and ridiculed and go through so much physically and emotionally, and I am not comparing Dominic's journey to that, but I felt like I really saw Mary in that moment, and I could feel a little bit of what she was going through.

SPEAKER_02 20:59

A mom suffering for her son by hurting.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

And I never had as much empathy for Mary as a mother as I did then, and so I still I talked to Mary a lot just you know for her help and grace and figuring all of this out.

SPEAKER_04 21:18

We should say that at this time, uh Dominic uh he's finished his treatment in October of 2022 when he was declared cancer-free with no evidence of disease remaining. He still uh undergoes MRIs every three to four months. So that's where things stand right now. And um I love that story about Mary uh Lynn and also you mentioned the impact that this diagnosis and this experience had on your on your family from the perspective of faith. I wonder if you can talk about that a little bit and maybe maybe the impact of this experience particularly on AJ, your oldest son.

SPEAKER_03 21:58

Um kind of I I just want to shed light on Dominic a little bit. Um from the time, I mean he was six years old, so at the time from the time of this diagnosis, he went into surgery, um he just he had a spirit about him and still does that he just was going to do it. Like I'm gonna I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna get over it, and it's done. Um and that's where he stands now. Um he went through seven hour brain surgery as a six year old. Got through it, just did it. Um couldn't walk when he got out of the hospital. He had a walker, his his his whole right side of his body was shaking. He actually said, I'm getting rid of this walker. So in two weeks. He's been very determined to just be a kid. Just started middle school, you said?

SPEAKER_02 22:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:50

Um he's currently playing football. And hockey. He's on the trampoline yard. Um as much as he needed to do, he just did it. He knew he had to do it and went about it and done it. And we to bring it back to the family. Um when we were leaving St. Joe's Hospital, which is a story that comes to my mind, um, they were very adamant about sending him to a rehab. Inpatient, hardcore rehab. And again, it was during COVID, so it was only like one person. His siblings couldn't come see him. And we both looked at each other and we were like, no, like he's coming home with us. This is where his rehab will take place. And um we had we had we went back and forth a lot, but um, and we took him, you know, we did physical therapy. I said, we'll we'll go three times a day if we have to. Um but bringing Dominic home with his siblings was more recovery than anything that could have happened. Being together with the family, um just just bonded together um all the kids at home, especially AJ, Joey and Francesca were very young at that age. Um AJ just kind of made Dominic recover together.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

Yeah. He was training.

SPEAKER_00 24:11

Yeah, and just he he knew how to treat Dominic, right? Like his brother, but with gentleness, but also like less than a lot of people. You can do it. Oh, yeah, right. Um and so we as a family we always prayed together, right? And it was part of our nightly and during treatment, we were separated all the time. One parent would be with Dominic in the hospital, the other parent would be with the other three children, and we would just kind of rotate, right? We would switch off. So we really tried hard to keep our nightly routine, um, and we would FaceTime every night and pray. Um, and I think that really helped the kids. I mean, little Joey was three, and he had this prayer, he would always say, Feel dumb safe and better. Like that's what he would say to Jesus. Um and AJ was only seven, right? So he was actually really young, but he took on this big brother role. Um, but his faith that we have seen has grown so much. I my children go to public school. But there's so many times AJ will come home and say, Oh, you know, during math I was saying a Hail Mary, or or during social studies, I was praying for children with cancer. And I don't think that's so common for such young children to, you know, take that on. Um, and he's just he's filled with empathy, right? He is just an empathetic child.

SPEAKER_02 25:56

Well, parents are the first catechists of the children in the ways of faith, and each family or home is called to be a little church, a domestic church. So um thank God it seems like um that's been very much a part of your family experience, and certainly it sounds like um you had that experience yourselves growing up in your families, right? And now are are passing it along to your children and you know, facing uh an experience of the cross that no parents or family would ever want to face. But um, but thank God um you've been able to um walk the journey of faith. Um in those, you know, we think of of Jesus, whether it be in the garden, saying to the to the Father, how you can take this cup away from me, but your will be done, and he even on the cross, why have you abandoned me? You know, and uh so uh he he he is like us in all things but sin, and as you say, you know, he gives us his mother to to be with us, and um um uh the families that have experienced a child with cancer, you've I think connected with a number of them, right? Can maybe talk a little bit about that.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

I mean Dominic has medulloblastoma, right? That's his diagnosis, and it's supposed to be very rare. But there is a group of us moms in North Jersey that I connected with right away. And other some other diagnoses, but um we just are a support group, like an unofficial support group for each other. We you know help each other navigate different medical needs. Even though Dominic is out of treatment, he still has a lot of a lot of side effects that have risen because of treatment. So it's cancer is never really done. Um so the mothers, right? We it's the mothers really we we've met up, we we just speak to each other, you know their child scan is coming up, letting them know you know you're thinking and praying for them, and vice versa. And and when those children are going through their scans, it's like my child is going through the scan with the amount of worry and anxiety that you have.

SPEAKER_02 28:06

Have you been involved in some of the more formal or organized fundraising or cancer awareness uh especially for the month of childhood cancer awareness?

SPEAKER_00 28:15

So we're we are involved in a couple of foundations that supported us. So um we were in, I mean, there's a few that we've been involved in. Our dream is to start our own um nonprofit and specifically to raise awareness really for prayer and um for increased funding for childhood cancer. Um September is important because there is a lack of funding. The government only gives 4% of the federal funding goes toward pediatric cancer, so that's four pennies, right?

SPEAKER_03 28:55

In 2024 and 25, the cancer fund uh budget was $7.2 billion from the federal government. Um 2026 is proposed $4.5 billion, and of that $4.5 billion, um 4%, which is about a hundred a little under $200 million, um goes to childhood cancer.

SPEAKER_00 29:19

So a lot of treatment hasn't changed for the children because the funding's not there. So there's a lot of nonprofits that exist to close the gap, but it's it's just not enough. Um so you know, we feel maybe one day we will start a nonprofit.

SPEAKER_04 29:37

And you're wearing yellow, it's like seems to be you're united with the larger, I guess, right?

SPEAKER_00 29:43

So in September you go gold, right? That's what they say. Go gold for childhood cancer. Um, and if you see the gold ribbons.

SPEAKER_02 29:52

I think Major League Baseball had some things during the month, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:56

And it just represents childhood cancer. We don't normally normally match.

SPEAKER_02 30:03

It was more than we like colors, yeah, right, right. Um and um the cathedral uh maybe just talk a little bit about that community um uh with Monsignor Gino and Father Starley and Ivania and um the the leadership and uh and and the the care that um for your family but for so many families, right? Uh um uh I I know you mentioned it already, but uh uh what's it like being at the uh the special needs mess once a month? And maybe there are families out there that may have a child with special needs that right.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

So I think it's it's beautiful. And if you have a child with special needs or are just have children, you know, um the every first Saturday of the month at the five o'clock mass, the children are invited up on the altar during the consecration. Um and it's that's amazing, they're right there, part of that special, the most important part of our mass, and witnessing it and and praying. And I think one of the best parts is when they all say the hour father together, right? Um, and Father Gina will pass the microphone around and you could just hear all their voices and they're excited to go to go on the altar. Um and I'm gonna go. Yeah, I remember this one girl, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:29

I mean, we talk about evangelization. Um he's like the person for um he makes people feel special, he makes people feel wanted and needed there. Um and um what better for evangelization than including children in the mass? Um I can speak uh personally on a couple different um churches that we've been to. Um they don't really you know, if kids are a little loud, they put them in the the quiet room, you know. Or they, you know, it's shunned upon, like don't bring your kids about mass if they're gonna misbehave. Um, you know, the what better can you do to have evangelization than include kids in the mass? And it's really, really it's a it's a special moment. If if you haven't seen it, it's um you gotta get down at the five o'clock mass because it's uh it really is really special.

SPEAKER_00 32:24

And children are the future, right? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 32:28

I was with some priest friends this summer and they were saying that there was someone that has been saying, and I've heard it done a couple of times, that if your church is not crying, it's dying. Wow. As a parish priest, I um uh uh I would say um when a child would be crying a mess, he's she's singing, you know. That's that's that's uh I will add those churches were not in the parish level. Every parish, like every family's a little different, we do the best we can, you know. Uh but uh but yeah, it's great when that there's an experience of that feeling of welcome.

SPEAKER_00 33:03

Because then the parents feel more welcome and are more willing to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_04 33:08

Can I ask you to the extent that you're willing to open up about this, what was Dominic's uh what was the experience like on you as a as a couple?

SPEAKER_00 33:19

Uh it was difficult. Um we have a strong marriage, a solid foundation, but I would lie if I said it didn't affect us. Um we barely saw each other because we truly, like I said earlier, we were rotating, right? We were never together. Um and it's a lot of caregiver burden, like Dominic's needs were so great. I mean, I he would get medication I think 12 times a day. Um his the eating, we had to track every calorie, so we were so consumed with Dominic that I forgot I was a wife. You probably forgot you were a husband, and we like I was so distraught I couldn't support pal the way that I should have as a wife. Um so we I mean, we are in family therapy, couples therapy. We started that like right away, I would say. Um like in the middle of treatment at some point. One of the foundations actually got us connected with a therapist who specializes with cancer families.

SPEAKER_02 34:36

Um those resources are so important, right?

SPEAKER_00 34:39

And but hard to find, and it's so I mean so frustrating that they should just be presented to the families, right? Like here you need help, here are places to go, and we had to seek this out. Um but our we are, I mean, we're we're good.

SPEAKER_03 34:58

I'm the fact is 50 percent.

SPEAKER_00 35:02

No, I think it's higher the statistics.

SPEAKER_03 35:04

At least 50% of marriages that go through something like this and then divorce. Um and we can see you can see that how that happens. It's very it's you know, we're she was very focused on Dominic and the family, and and you know, I play off of her and she plays off of me, right? She's focusing on Dominic, I'm trying to focus on the other kids. It takes it takes a toll on the whole family. Yeah, it really does. Um, you know, you talk about like abandonment, right? Dominic was in the surgery and he was in the picky for two weeks. We were there with him. You know, thank God, you know, our parent my my my wife's parents um were able to support and help us wouldn't stay with the kids, but um it takes a toll on the whole family, yeah, and including those other children. And and they have to make it it has to be like daily life for them, you know.

SPEAKER_02 35:50

Um but it can also unite you as a family as well.

SPEAKER_00 35:54

So I think, right, like looking back now, it did make us stronger, right? I mean, we we almost felt empowered, like wow, look at what we went through, right? And we're together and we're supporting each other.

SPEAKER_02 36:08

And uh uh you had a work as as a teacher during all this, uh um uh I would think it had an impact, uh, but um I guess you look at each of those your students, right?

SPEAKER_03 36:22

Is um Yeah, so uh um so thank God um you know I've been teaching this is year 22 for me, so I did have some sick days uh you know banked. Um I was able to have some time off. And um my school as well, they had uh some teachers had donated some days for me to get through the year and get through the hard times. Um going back was tough. It was really tough, like you know, letting go of being home and and and supporting the family really. Right um, and I had some some tough times when I started back, but um the kids you know bring so much joy going back. And obviously the school community was very, very um, you know, supportive as well. Um a lot of teachers there, they they had come over, give dinners, and they held a fundraiser there too. And it it was uh very supportive.

SPEAKER_02 37:09

It becomes a cliche, you know, but um bad news seems to travel so fast and things then. We have you know all the things that we're dealing with in the world. And um, but there's so much good news. There's so many good people um uh just care for one another as neighbors, right? And uh and look out for one another and are there for families going through hard times. Uh that news doesn't seem to get out as much as it should, right?

SPEAKER_00 37:31

No, it it doesn't. It we definitely we have strangers, right, that we didn't know before the diagnosis that have become so close to us. Um, so you're right, it it does bring out good. I would think most people want to help, right? Right, yeah, I think people may not know how to help sometimes.

SPEAKER_04 37:52

Right, right. So how how are things going now? Like what so all your kids are in school?

SPEAKER_00 37:57

Yes, we have a sixth grader, fifth grader, second grader, and kindergartner. Um they're all in sports, right? Football, hockey, soccer, yeah, gymnastics.

SPEAKER_03 38:13

We definitely live in the moment a little more. Yeah, we are going through this, obviously change your priorities.

SPEAKER_02 38:20

It changes the type of person you are. You can appreciate an ordinary quote-unquote day, right?

SPEAKER_00 38:25

Truly though, like you really step back now with a sense of gratitude.

SPEAKER_03 38:30

This is great. Yes. I mean, there we we have four kids, it's like a circus sometimes, right? Right in the car, I remember during treatment. Um, I think you said it to me. You said, I just wait for the I hope for the days that it would just be loud back there again. Because it was just silent, you know, everybody's just trying to get through it. And I remember we were driving one time and it this was after after treatment, and we just heard some giggles and some just some sounds back there, and it's like you could breathe again. And just like like you say, simple moments like that.

SPEAKER_00 39:05

Just yeah, our level of gratitude has increased because we haven't really spoken about that, but for such simple, simple things, like just being outside together. I mean, we used to love to hike and be in nature, and we questioned if we would be able to do any of this together again as a family of six, and we can, right? And so in those moments, you you are it's constantly thanking, like thanking God.

SPEAKER_02 39:34

And with an awareness that um some parents and yes, and some parents and families don't get their prayers answered in the ways that they would like. You've spoken about that before, Lynn.

SPEAKER_00 39:46

Yes, um, we have families that are very close to us that their children are still in treatment. Um, some of these children were diagnosed at the same time as Dominic, and they're still battling. Yeah, and we also have some friends who are not with us anymore. So that reality is always there.

SPEAKER_02 40:09

Um this past Sunday um was the September 14th, and so happened this year, September 14th fell on a Sunday is the feast of the exaltation of the cross. And the 14th is the exaltation of the cross, 15th is our Lady of Sorrows, um, when we you know meditate on Mary in those that moment on Calvary. Um, but um I was with the parish community, um, actually the community of Father Raphael, the priest that we lost, and uh um uh I said mass there Sunday morning. And um the the the before the gospel, uh what the gospel for that day is uh God so loved the world that he sent his only son so they don't believe in him, and why he allowed his own son to suffer, we don't understand why that was the means of of his victory over sin and death, giving us the promise of everlasting life in heaven. But um, but the phrase before the gospel was um, we adore you, Christ, and we praise you because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world. And we often say that prayer during Lent on Fridays, good on Fridays during Lent, the stage of the cross. And you know, it just struck me that um, yes, during Lent and Holy Week and Good Friday, we focus on that mystery, but it's really a mystery that we're we have to live every day, right? And uh, and and uh and there's gonna be moments of terrible sorrow and sadness. Um, but if thank God for the gift of faith, and when we share it as communities and families, um we we we walk the journey with others and give great gratitude for the the blessed and happy moments and and try to be with one with one another in the in the most difficult way.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

Father Gino Dorian's homily on Sunday was talking about right the cross and what crosses do we all bear. And obviously, Dominic's cancer is our cross. Um, and I don't think there's anything that can justify what he went through, right? But I also feel it couldn't have been for nothing, right? There has to be some greater purpose to it, and if it is sending letters to bishops and you know, just calling people to prayer, like people I I don't know. Um we pray all the time to follow Jesus' will, and sometimes like this just happened.

SPEAKER_03 42:22

So uh as humans, the the question is always why, right? It's always why. We'll never know. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_02 42:29

There's a lot of mystery.

SPEAKER_03 42:30

Yes, uh, and um, but again, the uh the trust, the trust in God is really uh very powerful for me. Um there's a lot of times where you know you question a lot of things and you know the future and things like that, and it's like trust in God, like offer it up, right? Offer it up, trust in God. And um that's what we truly do.

SPEAKER_02 42:51

Somehow he's with us and doesn't leave us alone.

SPEAKER_04 42:55

Well, I think we're gonna wrap. Thank you. You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for.

SPEAKER_02 43:01

And they will be able to put some notes in that they could share with Jay if you haven't already in the show notes. If there's people want to help out or get involved, or um, if there's any uh resources you want to recommend, okay.

SPEAKER_04 43:12

Happy to include those in the show notes.

SPEAKER_00 43:16

But thank you, thank you for sharing your story. And um truly though, thank you for your response. I mean, it means so so much.

SPEAKER_02 43:27

Um uh it's you know, we we we we're each called to do what we can to try to ask to do what the Lord is asking of us, and uh, you know, we're glad that you're able to share your story and uh and uh we'll we might have you on back on it sometime when uh uh uh when there's a big win in a game or there's something happening at the cathedral or uh or uh when confirmation will be coming up before you know it, right? So yeah, right, right. So uh so we'll keep in touch and please God see plenty of each other at the cathedral and uh and uh and we'll try to if there's other families that are going through things, right? We can we're we're we'll be we'll do what we can. Don't hesitate to write a letter or send an email or or reach out, right?

SPEAKER_00 44:07

Okay, thank you. Thank you, and just thank you for your prayers and your support.

SPEAKER_02 44:12

We'll keep keep praying. Um and he's got a good patron at St. Dominic, right? So uh okay, thanks.

SPEAKER_04 44:20

Um right, Bishop, before we we we end, uh I don't know what are you what are you reading, what are you what are you watching?

SPEAKER_02 44:28

Uh watching the Yankees uh struggling. Um but I've said I had a few confirmations lately, and uh we have these two new saints, uh and uh uh Carlo and Pier Giorgio and uh I I said I Googled for the first time how do you become a saint? I don't know why it took you so long, but uh uh um when you look a little deeper, there's something about heroic virtue is part of being a saint. And I say as a kid, my heroes all had something in common. They all wore uniforms. The Yankees, the Knicks to the Jets, and the poor Jets, oh my goodness. So uh so I'm not watching much football. Season's over before it started, I think. But uh uh and for Notre Dame as well as um uh so um um so uh um I'll get I'm trying to think of I'm reading this book uh by uh New York Times um reporter Russ Duthard. I think it's called Faith. Uh I'll get back to you on that one. Uh it's uh um yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:29

Um so like how do you prepare for going to Rome?

SPEAKER_02 45:34

That's not till like like eight days from now. Um the day before we have a tour company, we had a Zoom call last night, they're taking care of that. I'm just gonna uh get to the airport on time and uh and go from there. That's right, yeah. Right, right. All right, but uh um I will be bringing prayers. Um so um if there's particular intentions people want to send in, or um uh I'll be praying for yourselves and Dominic and the whole family. Um looking forward to going through the Jubilee door.

SPEAKER_04 46:04

And of course, uh next week is the uh March mass rally for life in the Trenton. In Trenton, right there. You'll be looking a homily, right? Right, right. Have you have you started writing your homily?

SPEAKER_02 46:15

Uh I actually had a um send it in the um translation, and so it's uh it's always a work in progress, uh, but uh but there's a text at least that I can go from.

SPEAKER_04 46:27

So I'm trying to get my hands on the video, so we'll hopefully have that on your YouTube channel afterwards.

SPEAKER_02 46:32

We'll see how it goes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:34

All right. Well, thank thanks again, thanks, Bishop, and thank you all for joining us. Please subscribe, comment, leave a positive rating. Get to know us better by following us on social media, the bishops on Instagram, beyond the beacons on Facebook and Instagram. Read the bishop's column in beaconnj.org. Get in touch with us if you have a topic idea or a question for the bishop, and discover our other podcasts, Coffee with Cupkey and the Paul Street Journal. Next week, Coffee with Cupkey is recording live episodes. That's right. Uh see you next time.

SPEAKER_02 47:06

Thanks, Lynn. Thanks, though. Thank you. Thanks, everybody. God bless you.